Do you know that…

  1. if you take the first letter of every four sentences in all of Donald Trump’s speeches, it spells “jalapenos“?
  2. Trump likes his cheese in really small shreds? He intends to make America grate again.
  3. as we know, Muslims pray towards Mecca, but if the azimuth also means they have to face Trump Tower, Muslims will use their standard issue flying carpet to levitate to a height above Trump Tower, before continuing to pray?
  4. when Trump asserted that he was going to make Mexico pay for the border wall, he was ready to accept payment in tacos?
  5. Trump’s favourite cartoon character is Donald Duck? Not because they share the same name, but because he likes to duck his taxes. And the duck doesn’t wear pants, come on – what’s not to love?
  6. Trump’s first choice for Vice-President was pimp godfather Paul “The Nastiest Caucasian Alive” Johnson, until one of his advisors explained to him that Vice meant deputy or next in rank.
    • When news of his first choice leaked, an online journal ran the headline: “Trump’s Choice for VP: A-Paul-ing”. Donald Trump immediately asked Paul Johnson to change his first name to “Peal”.
  7. John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, James Corden, Seth Meyer, Trevor Noah and Donald Trump once had an orgy, which got Donald Trump pregnant? As they are uncertain as to who the father is, the paternity test will be done live on Watch What Happens: Live.
  8. Trump is introducing an URL lengthening service called big.ly to compete with bit.ly? In a statement to the press, Trump said, “Why shorten your URL? It needs to be huge! The bigger the URL is, the more people will remember your website, you mark my words.”
  9. Trump’s favourite band is Barenaked Ladies, and his favourite thing to do is Smashing Pumpkins. No wait, it might be the other way around.
  10. if Trump were to say, “Fuck Singapore”, the response of the people of Singapore will be calm and measured? It is pretty certain that Singaporeans will not mention it on social media, and they will instead ignore it to focus on more pressing issues, such as the plight of low-income migrant workers or the wage gap.
  11. Vogons have included excerpts from Donald Trump’s speeches in their latest poetry compilation?
  12. Obama believes that Donald Trump is such an ideal successor for POTUS, that he believes Trump can have the combined effect to American politics as Obama and Cheney combined? “Forget Orange is the new Black,” said the out-going president. “Donald is the new Dick.”
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